Cosmic Bitch Slap

30 months ago when i signed the papers to come out here i don't think it ever crossed my puny little mind that when i applied for tickets for world cup phase one i would be denied on all counts. well, that's what just happened. a cosmic bitch slap two-and-a-half years in the making. my mom always said i'd believe in god someday when some beautiful miracle like the birth of a child occurred... well, it works both ways.
you know that greek guy that was punished by the gods by standing in a pool for all eternity with food and water that would forever recede from his reach when he tried to quench his thirst or hunger? his name was 'tantalus'. i feel like him but picture instead of a tree that magically moves away from me it's fifa.com's random ticket lotto system.

a classic tale retold.

by the way, it's from tantalus and that story about fifa.com that we get the word 'tantalize'. so now you know that if you meet someone at a bar and they tell you that the word tantalize was derived from a story involving them, they're lying to you.

by the way again, did you know that the word 'titilate' is derived from an allegorical story involving some tantalizing stuff yours truly did when he was in college..?

When Pigs Fly

well, they said it would never happen but i hear there's a big deal about 'swine flu'.

in dissimilar but tangential news i finally made the connection between amelia earhart's rumoured past as a lesbian and the rumour that she disappeared into the bermuda TRIANGLE... it couldn't have been more obvious unless she disappeared over a rainbow.

Walking Under the Corporate Ladder

without going into too much detail, since the last blog entry i've been busy (more on busy work to follow).

the stream of events sorta went like this:

- i stepped up to fill a vacant position as regional representative for ssi's 'young-ssi' (yssi). for every 10 full-time staff ssi has under 35, there serves a rep to look after their needs etc.
- i was informed that i'd passed my master's diploma comprehensive exam.
- i was then elected to serve as a 'maverick'. for every region (mine is kwazulu-natal inland) the reps have a maverick to serve as their representative to the maverick council.
- i was then nominated and accepted for the position of associate within ssi. if you've seen the episode the simpsons where homer grows hair and gets fast-tracked, this is ironically the reverse... my hair has begun leaping of the top of my head.
- yesterday i again was asked to step up to fill a vacancy as one of the top four mavericks to represent the mavericks at executive meetings. the joke is that there's one other american in the whole of ssi and she's one of the other three top mavericks. her name is erin and she's up in gauteng. during our monthly teleconference calls she's the one i understand the easiest.

Good News For Whatever Ales You

in one of the most exciting developments in the curbing of my homesickness i was made aware of a young upstart named stuart robson who lives about 45 minutes from me on the way to durban. not too long ago stuart moved out here from england with his wife, young child and enough pounds to start a brewery in the valley of a thousand hills. for those of you that are familiar with the area, the valley of a thousand hills is an area looking to become a tourist destination similar to the midlands meander.

instead of being tucked between pmb and the uninhabited but beautiful drakensber, the valley of a thousand hills is tucked between pmb and the massively inhabited durban. the midlands meander is home to kzn's main microbrewery, 'nottingham road brewery' the maker of pretty much the only ale in kzn not counting boddingtons or kilkenny out of a can. unfortunately, some years ago, the founder of nottingham roads whistling weasel ale kicket the bucket and left only the equipment and an 8.5x11 sheet of paper with the process written on it. the beer is now brewed in the midlands in a 'paint-by-number' fashion and tastes as such.

on the other hand, stuart robson seems to be a super-taster with not only a clinical knowledge of brewing beer but a sense of adventure in brewing that i haven't seen since Nili's hibiscus beer. stuart brews many a beer, one of which is modeled after californian makes of beer. it's not the greatest seller because it's miles different from the common south african beer but to me it's the greatest reminder of home that i've found over here.

and as if stuart hasn't done enough already, he's now developing his brewing grounds into a venue for hosting outdoor music shows. i went to one of his events. pure heaven. the stage is on a hill overlooking the lights of durban, behind you a little bar sells his line of beers and to top it off a catering table sells spicy bunny chows if you get peckish.

one of the bands playing that night was a south african act 'stealing love jones' (not be confused with martini-lounge band 'love jones') who gets regular spin on south african radio stations here. popular enough that they're now living in southern california peddling her music to all you guys. when i bought some of their music i handed the rands to the lead singer (esjay). the manager (read: handler) then flew in and said, "you can't give the money to her, it has to come to me." "or it goes straight up her nose" i finished. esjay looked caught off guard and said, "who told you that about me?"

2010-Tative Plans

Nobody reading this should be surprised that last month I applied for four tickets to four world 2010 matches (16 tickets total). the plan is to try to follow the USA through their first three group stage matches and then their first elimination match. the draw for the tickets was held a few days ago and we should have confirmation or heartbreak in the coming weeks. keep your fingers crossed for the four of us (Steve, Sean, Wrenna and me).

In a less nail-biting endeavor, i applied for and got tickets for the confederations cup taking place in a few months up in northern RSA. i've got the opening match of South Africa (Bafana Bafana) against Iraq and then the next day USA plays Italy. it'll be a nice preview for me of the USA national team seeing as they don't show the american qualifying matches over here.

speaking of the 'axis of evil' and 'soccer'...

the last thought on fifa will be this: some months ago when they televised the 2010 qualifying draw in durban there was nervous chuckling when south korea was drawn into the same group as north korea. the group also has saudi arabia, iran and the UAE which has prompted me to inappropriately name this 'asia group 2' as the first 'group of death'.

is this thing on? hello?

anyhoo, there is a decent chance that the saudis will finish second best to kim jong il's squad and we'll see both the koreas here in south africa. if it's wrong to root for north korea, i don't want to be right.

Nukèd Chef

after 31 years of almost every woman in my life trying to convince me to learn how to cook, i've decided, of my own accord, to learn. and by 'learn' i mean 'experiment' with cooking ingredients.
since arriving in south africa the majority of my evening meals have consisted of the following:
-ordering pizza, salads and chicken burgers from "pizza chicken/perfect",
-toast with chicken liver paté,
-various cheeses,
-sardines and clams, and
-caramel rice crispies
you might say it's exactly how i would have eaten in the states if it hadn't been for trader joe's and costco. the one new addition being a discovered fondness for chicken liver paté in all its variety (peri-peri, brandy, and bacon).
the "all in one" cookbook, a 30th or 31st birthday present from my mother, has been staring at me accusingly for the past several months (or years) and the book's slant on "quick and easy" has added to the guilt i feel every time i throw two slices into the toaster and pour myself a glass of fine port wine.
so about a month ago i found a recipe i liked, made a list and went to pick n' pay to buy the ingredients. i think it was supposed to be a rice and beef stew. several hours later my kitchen looked like a murder scene (beef fat and bones everywhere) mixed with a wedding scene (rice everywhere). it shouldn't surprise anyone that i managed to burn both pots of stew resulting in a week's worth of slop that tasted like cigarette butts. it also shouldn't surprise anyone that i put it all in tupperware containers and proceeded to eat all of it over the next ten days.
i learned that me cooking on my little toaster hot plates is a handicap akin to a legless man playing soccer blindfolded.
the lesson learned from the burnt food was that i should buy a slow-cooker. so i did and i set out to make the same beef stew sans the smoke and ash marinade. this time the rice soaked up all the juices and expanded to point where it lifted the lid off the cooker by a quarter of an inch (~8mm). it was a sloppy mess of gooey beefy mess. all the broth was in the rice. it took me another 10 days or so to polish this mess off...
when i ran to work with it, it was so dense that my arm got tired and i had to constantly switch the hand i was using to carry it.
i won't even tell you about the chicken soup except that it would not go away...
then one night in an unexpected about face with the trusty slow-cooker i decided that i should learn to cook indian food. the only hard part about the spices in this country is navigating the massive selection everywhere you go. paul and kate saw the spice stores in durban. it's like a candy store but with baskets overfilled with every shade of spice from bright yellow to bright red.
indian food and i turned out to be lucky match. in fact, the ladies at work flat out refused to believe that i'd made the curry i had with me. i lied and said that i'd gone online and googled "how to cook potatoes so's they're really soft". truth is a coworker gave me a quick how-to and i just paid very very close attention and then applied what i learned to my chicken curry. now i just need to learn how to eat it properly; without silverware.
the only problem i'm now faced with is that all the myriad spices, leaves, sticks etc. are taking up a lot of space in my tiny little flat and its tiny little kitchen. this leads into my next entry: i'm moving.

(Anthony's Song)

when my old company, BCP, got bought by SSI earlier this year it was announced that there was gonna be some rearrangement of desks in the immediate future and in the long-term a new office block was going to be built in the newly established victoria country club (the vcc). naturally this new location is in a more upscale neighborhood (convenient for the more upscale directors who've had long commutes to get to work at our offices in town or in mkondeni) and this would translate into one hell of a morning run from my present residence.
after another run with drew a few weeks ago (this time the capital climb, a 15k run that is 7km of pure straight uphill followed by a knee-crushing 7km of downhill flailing) he mentioned that his parents' rental unit in athlone within walking distance of our new offices might be opening up soon.
i went and checked it out. it has a bigger kitchen, better parking, it's better suited for guests, and i can hang out with drew's parents and learn lots of embarrassing stories about him.
i'll be moving in the first week of october. come visit.

"love your friends and miss them when they go"

that's a line from a jonathan coulton song "a talk with george". when i first heard it i nonchalantly equated its message to shane macgowan's "we watched our friends grow up together / and watched them as they fell / some of them fell into heaven / some of them fell into hell" but after paul's visit i realized it's not about life and death, it's just about life and change.
paul's eye is firmly set on the east coast and the thought of him leaving the santa cruz area gave me a heavy heart. far more heavy than i felt to take a job in africa. i realized his leaving is more symbolic than anything else. he's actually moving two timezones closer to me. but now california isn't the one-stop-shop for friends anymore.
so this is me saying to everyone out there that i miss all of you more than i've been able to express. more than i will be able to express. i always knew what i'd be leaving behind and maybe it didn't seem like i valued it enough seeing as i had no idea what i was trading it all in for.
as a one-two punch i then found it tough to say goodbye to paul and kate as they left to board their plane back home. us guys aren't typically blessed with both the ability and courage to really say a heartfelt goodbye and it's never more of a shame than at an airport.
despite the content of the last three paragraphs, paul and kate's visit in no way resembled a hallmark channel estrogenerational special (dibs on coining that term). it was the usual madness that anyone that knows paul and i would expect. kate was a real sport to be come along on a reunion tour for two friends that have been tight friends for well over a decade.
some highlights of the trip include:
paul meeting some giant turtles
trying to act brave in front of rhinos in cape vidal (st. lucia)
kate catching a firefly
giraffes, elephants etc at hluhluwe
acting stupid in front of a hippo at mlilwane
buying, cutting and overeating sugar cane
kate's ambien (see pictures for further detail)
please, if you're planning on coming out to visit me someday, check out the pictures i've put online. they were taken by all three of us and the best of them are up with the necessary captions.

Feeling SAACE

The south african association of consulting engineers (SAACE) hosts an annual relay race event in pretoria (just outside joburg) every year. last year and this year, the event is hosted by none other than SSI. so it's an opportunity for us to show all of our competitors our ability to host a fun event but also try to show them up with our physical running and biking prowess.
it's not uncommon for ssi to have a little tent at an event like this where there's a braai and beer for all those that participate and come out to support. but this year, because SSI were the hosts, we went sick with it. and to increase SSI's presence, pmb got to fly out our eight fastest runners to form a pmb rep. team. in the end we just sent the only five people in pmb who thought they could run 4km and a cape towner who happened to be in pretoria for work. she and our comrade's runner, dave, ran two legs each.
last year ssi pmb was the fastest ssi team and finished tenth out of several dozen teams. this year we were still the fastest ssi team but finished 20th overall.
for those of you wondering how 'fast' i ran my 4km. the answer is 17:45. that's a 7.25 minute mile. the time i ran should clearly reflect the fun we all had as a team... leslie (our team's fit "senior" runner) and i went to sleep with more than our share of wine and beer as caloric. today we discussed the idea of not drinking before a run and laughed it off as 'not worth it'. i argue that my lap time was positively influenced by my drive to get back to my beer before it got too warm.

Feeling Sassy

speaking of running, i'm currently hobbled with an ankle injury.
my run to work usually sees a handful of coworkers driving past and hooting. that's usually about the highlight of my run (not counting me chuckling to "the areas of my expertise" by john hodgeman {with musical accompaniment by jonathan coulton}). but a week ago on the run in who should be standing on the side of the road waiting for her ride but the young blond temp, noelene, who's been brought in to help with the archiving ahead of the big move to vcc. i slowed down to offer her a (piggy-back) ride to work but she declined. her loss. probably would've been tough making it up the two main hills with her anyway. she and her ride passed me just as i was getting to the gate.
however, today i saw her again waiting and thought i would pass her and get to work before she and her ride could pass me. i was carrying my curry with me and when i handed it to her she instinctively (and foolishly) stuck out her hands and confused took it from me. with my hands free i took off down the hill at a quickened pace (mostly to impress noelene) and about 50 meters later turned my ankle so hard that i felt it in my armpit. you know that pain when you can't stand on it and it hurts just as much to lift it? well, i waited until my adrenaline kicked in (pun intended) and ran the rest of the way to work trying to ignore the weird dull thudding pain. luckily the hobo names 100-200 and 500-600 served a strong distraction from the pain.

#143 robert fits-in-a-case
#172 microfiche roy the sidescroller
#587 don domasino deshithebed

Kicking a good habit

the epl (english premier league) and psl (south africa's premier soccer league) have started anew. on saturday i stopped into the city royal hotel to watch liverpool walk all over defending champions manchester united. in a similar vein, pietermaritzburg's local team (just returned from relegation) gave the most popular team in the psl (the same kaiser chiefs that paul and kate and i watched take on manchester united at king's park stadium last monght) with a convincing 3-2 whomping.
i've heard that with pmb united's promotion they've gone out and bought an american goalkeeper and he started off his time here by blocking a p.k. so now south africa has two americans on the big stage, the second being the evening weatherman for the e-channel news.

MR. CALIFORNIA

SSI's saturday school started this last saturday. for those of you who don't know, SSI, the company that bought my old company BCP, has a forward thinking CEO that, in the interest of developing future engineers, has organized, at SSI's own expense, a saturday school for underpriveledged students. the three subjects covered are maths, physical sciences, and engineering and drafting. the teachers are volunteers from SSI and now BCP.
i'd hoped to teach math (known as 'maths' here) but instead got stuck teaching physical sciences and e.g.d. (engineering and graphic design). i've since learned that i've never taken the actual coursework for e.g.d. god knows how i'm gonna teach it for 80 minutes this coming saturday. i will say this though, the physics textbook is unique to south africa. i'll include some pictures of the problems when they finally give me a textbook. i'm signed on to teach two saturdays a month for the next year. when i first got to this country i contacted habitat for humanity and enquired about helping out. they said they don't work on weekends. until this saturday school opportunity came along, i felt that i would have to quit my job to do something charitable in this country.
about the students at this saturday school; seeing them takes me back to my own youth. "does 0.2844445 round up to 0.285?" i took joelene with me to the first introductory day. i'd heard that i would be given a nickname by the kids in zulu that i wouldn't learn. so joelene was brought to be a spy and to, and this sounds messed up, show the kids one of their teachers has a coloured girlfriend. joelene echoed my sentiments when she said seeing the two of us together would probably gain more respect from the kids. i think i'm gonna need all the help i can get.
when the first of the kids rocked up, they approached joelene first. she greeted them, "sowebona" and they answered, "um, we're good. fine. punjane. is this SSI's saturday school?"

and yes, joelene is back in my life. all the coworkers that said we would get back together were right. i hate being wrong but the healing process for me and the relationship was stuck in limbo. a quick summary would be that i contacted her under the pretense that we should try to be friends again. just friends. i thought i would be able to maintain the boundaries but i'm a sucker for that girl. this blog isn't a forum for my mushy feelings so if you want to hear about all the romance and gushy stuff, you'll have to email or call me.
however, if you want a feeling for what my life was like in the interim, youtube hosts the fruits of my labors as a once again single guy here. it should be quite clear that i had a lot of free time on my hands.

the latest is that i've added sound to the cartoon i animated using fantavision back at uc davis
secondly, i created a complilation of my footage driving the INSANE roads of easter rsa, swaz, and mozambique.

luckily for me, with this new saturday school, my masters degree exam and joelene, my hands are back to being full.