I Cunt Explain How Confusing an Afrikaans / English Accent Can Be

i'll start off the with another catchy yakov smirnov-esque thing about south africa.

spanish words like "jalapeno" and "tortilla" are pronounced as if you'd never heard of the spanish language. at first i just thought some people here were unenlightened but it turns out the whole country, including the voices in commercials, pronounce it not "hah-luh-pain-yo" but instead "jah-luh-pee-no". throw an indian accent over it and you've got a recipe for "excuse me?". i've been asked twice, indignantly, "well, how do YOU pronounce it?"

WHAT?!!! HOW DO I PRONOUNCE IT?!!! it has a TILDE above the n! it's there for a reason!

by the way, guess how they pronounce "tortilla" here... say it out loud. it sounds like a chinchilla had sex with a tortuga.

and on that subject, my tuesday carpool ride in, andrew in roads, called up and said he was running late because his rabbit died. i was thinking he drives some weird european vehicle called the rabbit (cars are named here without consideration for how lame the vehicle sounds coming out of a guy's mouth). but it turns out his rabbit had died that morning. andrew, who's about my age has his third kid on the way. people start families pretty early around here like i said earlier.
andrew said that the rabbit dying might serve as an important learning lesson about death. now, just last week i learned that andrew, well he's pretty religious. so i thought to myself, "wasn't this weekend all about jesus' death and resurrection? the kid's probably had enough confusing lessons about death without having to bury his rabbit just days after the easter bunny leaves."
andrew asked if i knew of any causes for a bunny to just die but i kept my lips sealed. the jews had nothing to do with this one.

speaking of the effects of accents, i forgot to put on anti-perspirant this morning so i borrowed some from a coworker (who goes to the gym at lunch). when i left to put it on, phil told me not to spray it in the wrong place. bridget asked, "i think he knows not to spray it in his eyes". now bear in mind bridget's accent does a funny thing with the word "eyes".

to conclude, i survived a double-fronted moth attack last night. i put a bag over my hand and grabbed one. it kicked like i was holding a beating heart and its legs reached out of my clenched fist. i held it and waited for my heart to stop racing. if i freak out every time a kite-sized moth flies into my personal space i won't last long here so i've got to overcome this semi-irrational fear of them. after all, it would take a half dozen of them to pick me up off the ground.

and i'm not sure if i've gone into detail about "tea time" here. paul asked about it awhile ago, so here goes. it is stated in the bcp company handbook that tea is served three times a day: at 10:00, 13:00 and 15:00. bcp employs a woman whose only job is to deliver a tray with rooibos tea, hot water for coffee, clean cups, spoons, cream and sugar to every department and director. the bridges section has the plotter and server room which doubles as our tea room. for that reason, tea time is a very social event for me when i feel like i have the time.

every now and then bridget, the secretary for the bridges department (and yes, i have realized the comedy in the fact that BRIDGET works in BRIDGES) will bring in baked something-or-other for us to nosh on. the second wednesday of every month is birthday tea and whatever food or cake is left over ends up in our room. we descend like vultures.