How to Cure a Bruised Ego: Rub Alcohol On It

yesterday i got the news from pippa that i'm no longer an illegal alien in this country. my work visa, which i applied for months ago, has been going through the bureaucratic process for some time now but is now just waiting for me to go down to durban to meet with the department of home affairs and get my passport stamped and get an official south african i.d. number. i left maritzburg at about 1:45 in the company bakkie. durban is about 45 minutes away and i took a little map book (no such thing as mapquest or google.maps here).

luckily i tried to find the place on the map before i left. the index had no fewer than six "Umgeni Roads". pippa knew the one i wanted. it was one in a part of durban called grayville.
pippa's directions to "just stay to your left" don't work if you're from america and you're not even close to familiar with how the roads work here. you'll have to come here to understand but even if you manage to get off on the right "exit" here, you still have to navigate roads that make london look organized and brilliant. i'll try to remember to scan a road map for shits and giggles.
i'm not kidding when i say that instead of roads, it's just a giant parking lot with a few islands and arrows telling you which side of the island to be on. and by "island" i do mean a patch of grass with several dozen blacks standing on them like stranded shipwreck survivors.

twice on the way there i got so lost that i had to pull over and flip through pages of the map to find which page i was now on. i never once used street signs to find my way. it was by using parks; the only thing that looks in real life like it does on the map (green).

by using the process of elimination i eventually found my way to the intersection of umgeni road and drove up a road steeper than ANYTHING in san francisco... complete with stoplights of course. i was looking for 350 umgeni and the road ended at 290 of course. once i figured out i was on the wrong road (i passed a botanical garden which didn't show up as a green patch near umgeni road) i actually new where i was on the map still. it would be a short 45 minutes later of driving in smaller concentric circles, 'circling like a lion' before i would make a wrong turn and find myself on umgeni road.

i parked, took off my button up shirt, untucked my undershirt and went in search of the department of home affairs in grayville. let me tell you, "gray"ville's gonna a need a couple thousand more white guys wandering around lost before this place can even claim to be approaching a grayish color. maybe it's named after the weather?

i found the department of home affairs and walked up to the one open window, sat down and explained what i was there for. the woman said, "you want the next door."

so i went next door and walked into what i first thought was a somalian refugee camp. it's not something i'm brave enough to take out a camera and snap a shot of so you'll have to just take my word; "somalian refugee camp".

i don't mean to sound racist but i immediately thought, i doubt everyone here is here to pick up a work visa. so i asked a security guard where i should go and he pointed me into a little room the size of a walk in closet. in there two women (one white, one black) were trying to figure out a problem on their computer. they didn't acknowledge anyone until a third-term pregnant black woman came in with her mother and were asked to wait outside. eventually i got fed up and said, "i just have a quick question... etc."

i was told that the office in charge of that ("window 7") was closing. it was in fact closed. had been since 15:00 and it was now 16:30. perfect end to a perfect day. it was about to get perfect-er.

the drive out of there was more relaxing because now i could take in the scenery and not try to look for one of the six umgeni roads (which was a one way road for the first 30 yards by the way). in the united states we have 3 and 4 way intersections. durban had several 6 way intersections. maybe even more. who knows. just drive and try not to stall the bakkie.

here's where my day went sour: i was driving behind a big ass truck making sure not to get in a lane that would take me away from the N3 (N for national) route straight ahead. i was comfortable with my lane and looking around... i'd driven into a part of durban that may as well have been one of those streets in hong kong... or better yet los angeles in blade runner. hawkers selling wares out of wooden carts, concrete highway overpasses, huge semi-trailers, PACKED sidewalks, and neon everywhere. i was trying to think of what this place reminded me of when it finally hit me, "mardi gras". then it also hit me, the truck in front of me was taking a right and the light had long since turned red. so there i was in the middle of a HUGE intersection. the weird part is that the people on the sidewalks knew i was fucked before i did. those that didn't see me began walking and so far the worst experience of my time here was driving this huge bakkie through the people and coming off as an arrogant white south african.

i was so freaked i didn't say "sorry" or even gesture wildly as my hands were free downshifting and upshifting. i got some SERIOUSLY nasty looks and even shouts.
ruined my already ruined day.

i stopped in the durban office of bcp to drop off a book so that i could say i got something done on the trip and talked theater with the head engineer there, brian. word's out that i like theater so i might be going with him and his wife and some of their friends to see "the magnificent seven". i asked if it was about samurai or cowboys. he said to stop by on my way through tomorrow and he'll have one of his younger technicians drive me the rest of the way. maybe i just will.
because i'm worth it.

i'm rubbing alcohol on my wounds. i've found that the pinotage wines here, once they've breathed for a day, become much more enjoyable.

cheers.