Where in the World?

  As many of you may already know, Wrenna has been out here for over two months now.  It's safe to say that the 'adjustment period' is now over... both for south africa and her classes.  If you're interested in learning more about the strange differences between american and south african universities, you'll have to shoot wrenna an email.  I'll be taking you through all the fun and excitement of the months since her plane landed.

 

  In addition to seeing day three of south africa versus england in a five-day cricket test match, we managed to see a soccer match between south africa and zimbabwe.  I even took a loaf of bread to wave at the zim supporters tauntingly but forgot it in the car.  I did take the ol' djembe drum in and had an amazing time. africans operate just one drum beat away from a dance party so add in a three goal victory over zim and you've got a happy crowd.  The game was in durban's new moses mabhida stadium and being in it for a big match is just breathtaking.  all the negative hype from the past few years about south africa not hosting 2010 might even make sitting there that much more special.  The stadium is amazing.

 

  Valentine's day was spent in the drakensberg.  although gaining recent popularity for its cameo at the end of last summers blockbuster film '2012', the drakensberg is best know for its biodiversity and rippling stone escarpments that stretch for miles (kilometres).  wrenna and i managed to tag along with the local 'mountain club' branch and the result was luxury.  during the soccer in a few months, the very same people we were with for the weekend will be charging to lead hikes.  the hiking party had two cooks, a bird expert, a flower expert and 71 year-old woman who has hiked every inch of the berg many times over.

 

  we slept in a cave that fit all twelve of us and in the nearby tarns (pools of water in the stone) were little mini-ecosystems that were simply indescribable.  James the flower expert pointed out that at the bottom of some of the tarns (underwater) grow plants and because the water is so clear they photosynthesize no prob.  the only thing is that in order to reproduce they need their flowers to be pollinated... so they send up little stringy vines to the surface where the flowers blossom.  this flower is only found within 5km of where we were standing.  turns out we were also standing a few yards from the lesotho border.  wrenna and i found a gap in the barbed wire fence and quickly jumped into lesotho, officially making the camping trip an international expedition.

 

  during the last stretch of the hike, iona the 71 year old asked us to tread lightly so we didn't scare away the giant brown puff adder that lived under rocks right next to the trail we were hiking.  she'd only seen it once but wanted to see it again.  your ankles were no more than half a metre from two snake holes that easily could fit a giant snake.  they live on rodents and hikers.  i don't know what snake shit looks like but if it looks like a small snake, then there was snake shit all over the trail.  wrenna, for the record, is afraid of snakes.  also for the record, the expression "they're just as afraid of you as you are of them" doesn't apply to snakes.  the expression, "they're just as oblivious to you as you are of them" unfortunately holds true.  also not applying to brown puff adder snakes is, "they're just as likely to bite you in the ankle when you step on them as you are to them."  THEY DON'T HAVE ANKLES.

 

  in work related news, my major cable-stayed bridge project is only a few months from completion.  i used to think i was up high when we climbed up to the deck level.  now the scaffolding goes up to the top where the stays will attach.  that's more than twice as high as before.  oy.  about 60 metres.  like a 20 story building.

 

  the most exciting story to relate is that i'll be going to the netherlands in late march to visit SSI's parent company DHV.  late last year i entered into a DHV policy paper competition in which teams from offices from all over the world submit business plans implementable by DHV.  i had an old idea lying around that i'd almost forgotten about.  i punted the idea to some super talented young SSI colleagues and voila, three months later and we've won.  we're gonna fly out early and come back late to make sure that, as young-ssi's delegates to our overseas colleagues, we have time to visit the sex museum.

 

  wrenna will unfortunately be stuck in pmb taking exams and submitting big reports.  if this sounds unfair to wrenna, it is.

 

  it TOTALLY is.

 

 

Who Will Make It To The World Cup?!!!

no matter how much i prepare you for this video, you WILL be left doubting its authenticity... and i don't blame you. i thought i was on a drug trip when i first saw it. i know you must be confused so i'll create a little FAQ. here goes.

- what channel was this on?
the channel was cnn international

- what the fuck?
I KNOW!!!

here's my favourite part: go to www.homelessworldcup.org... THEY HAVE A HOMEPAGE!!! your browser tab will read "Home - Homeless World Cup".

once you've come to grips with your disappointment for not buying the rights to "homelessworldcup.org" (and "romaniatourism.com"... that would be "websquatting") you've probably started getting excited and patriotic about the tournament. on the tip of your tongue is the same question asked in the months leading up to any international soccer tournament: "who will make it to the tournament?!"
i mean, who will literally MAKE IT all the way there?

the netherlands is sending their team with one-way tickets.

why doesn't fifa combine this tournament with their already popular world cup beach soccer tournament and create a 'beach / bum' tournament?

after the game, the players trade jerseys... for food.

every four years, countries from all over the world get together and decide who will host the tournament. last year milan showed up late and lost.

is the homeless world cup made out of styrofoam?

wait wait, come back, i'm not done yet.

- cristiano ronaldo plays for the portuguese national team and mario plays for the portugeuese national homeless team

- ronaldo is real madrid's 80 million pound striker.
- mario is an 80 pound striker

- ronaldo is first in line to take free kicks
- mario is first in line to take free meals

- ronaldo came off the bench in 2006 to score a goal against greece
- mario spent 2006 on a bench covered in greece

- ronaldo has a shoe deal
- mario has a shoe

please don't hesitate to add further with your questions and/or comments

cheers

Wu-Hoooooo!!!!

after two heart-wrenching notices of 'unsuccessful' applications for fifa 2010 tickets (one rejection in phase 1 and one rejection in phase 2) i had begun shaking my fists at the heavens. my ire should have been directed less upwards and more westwards... as it turns out, in a clear indication of growing american interest in the beautiful game, team specific tickets (tst) for the united states (usa) are the most sought after tickets for 2010. south africans are the only nation to be buying more tickets than usa but, by my estimation, the south africans aren't purchasing bafana bafana tickets but instead stadium specific tickets. remember, this is a big country. would someone in california apply for a game that might take place on a wednesday in new york?
this news about a mass yankee migration made me decide to seek out a new direction. i'm happy to report that, after adopting the same strategy that earned us tickets in germany for 2006, i have finally tasted success.
i was quickly awarded (at category 2 seating no less) the first four matches for...
SOUTH KOREA!
...and yes, yes... the fourth match is assuming s.korea makes it out of the group stage...
but regardless, the day after i paid for the tickets s.korea beat the u.a.e. to guarantee their place in south africa... so it is on for 2010.
the next step is to wait. it won't be until october that the qualifying matches will conclude and then the first week of december will see the draw.
until then we can only hope (for our sake not the s.koreans') that spain, the netherlands and usa end up in their group and that the games will be played in durban, cape town and polokwane.
time to get it on. no choice but to get it on.

In Other Soccer-Related News:

a week from today starts the fifa confederations cup.  for me it'll be an excuse to enjoy a four-and-a-half day weekend in joburg. for the participating teams it'll be an invaluable opportunity to see what the climate is like this time of year in south africa as well as to get a feel for the grass (meaning the sod, not the durban poison).  it'll also be a chance to get a feel for playing in a stadium filled with the noise of drums and vuvezela.

In Other Soccer-Related News:

this saturday saw the first ever inter-office soccer match for SSI in kzn.  the idea has been around for some time but never was acted on until a fortuitous project meeting where i needed to use our environmental branch to report on the ecology of a job site.
when, kushela, the environmental consultant that was assigned to the project mentioned that he played soccer, the discussions for a derby began.
in the following four weeks, to everyone's benefit, kushela took the necessary initiative to organize a field, food, drinks and his eleven-man durban side.
unfortunately, pinetown seemed to use up all their energy in the preparation for the match and had none left to use on the pitch.  at the half, several mercy acts were enacted to reduce the amount of goals being scored by maritzburg.  these acts involved:
-    giving them some of our players
-    making me a striker

Worm Holes

time travel will always be a hot topic for discussion.  maybe not so much in the future once costco gets their hands on the technology to make them for the average joe but for the time being, time travel is a wildly exciting speculative subject for conversation, research and film.  science is even making it an accepted and plausible possibility.  it used to be that time travel required the use of (and i'll put these in order of ascending plausability) a delorean, a silver flying walnut or a 1x4x9 black monolith.

but ever since we were sold on the theory of wormholes, we just nod our heads whenever someone in a film is expelled from a bent-light-sometimes-liquidy portal half a metre from the ground, lands awkwardly, stand ups, brushes themself off and exclaims, "we must have traveled through a wormhole!".  must have... so i'd say that a bunch of chalk-fingered astrophysicists with doctorates have got us hook, line and sinker with wormholes.
and naturally, 'hook, line and sinker' brings me smoothly to my next discussion point:

worm holes.

have you stopped to think that there are two radically different doctorate research programmes out there with basically the same name?  one involves the concept of transdimensional travel by bending space-time to create a wormhole. the other involves studying worms in holes. 

the worm-propulsion subject (in particular marine worms) was brought to my attention years ago when a friend's girlfriend, kelly, began her research that has now culminated in a ph.d (and tons of awards) on the subject.  i think at the time she wanted to know about strain guages in jell-o.  kelly has been passionate about the worm holes for practicaly forever and not too long ago was listed in pop sci as one of their 'brilliant 10' for her research with polychaetes.

but i'm not here to lecture on astrophysics or even sediment crack propogation mechanics.  as always, i want to stress the importance of grammar and proper spelling.

if every august you find yourself in a grassy field lying on your back staring at the heavens for the leonids showers, on your college application under "major" put "wormholes".  however, if you're facing the opposite direction during these meteor showers, be sure to write the underscore clearly.  "worm_holes".

Two Things: Part one

two things:

i'll be the first to admit that america might not be most educated when it comes to stuff outside its own borders. in fact, people i meet here (read: young white people) don't have a problem reminding me that americans they've met in their travels to the united states are laughably ignorant of life here in south africa.
"americans think we have lions just walking around here! like they walk through our grass huts" and "were you surprised that we had airports here?"
they're right. the only time i'd ever thought of south africa as a teenager was when i was assigned to read "July's People". For those of you that have read "July's People", an exploration of the social impact left by apartheid in a fictional (nay, predicted) world that followed apartheid to its natural conclusion: war, you can only imagine what sort of outlandish misconceptions i had developed of the whole area. this was 1993... i think i was too busy trying to get the attention of anna, my first real girlfriend, for me to pay attention to mr. hilbert explaining the actual political climate in south africa when nadine gordimer wrote this book.
that being said, when confronted with these anecdotes about americans, i originally had trouble standing up for my people seeing as i was both totally confused and utterly disinterested with regards to south africa before i came here. after all, every time bugs bunny, elmer fudd, felix the cat or any pre- politically correct cartoon character found him/itself in subsaharan africa it was inevitable that one or more of the following occurred:
- the main character would end up in a giant metal pot with the subsequent carrots, celery and sneeze-inducing salt and pepper
- a thick-maned lion or bengal tiger would chase our hero from right to left and left to right several times. a joke would usually occur involving the lion's mane or the tiger's stripes.
- the black natives, wearing grass skirts and bones through their noses, would break into song... predictably a percussive jazz number. JAZZ?! we all know that if the same cartoons were being made today, the natives would be rapping and dancing like chris brown.
- if johnny quest or any hannah barbara cartoon drama were taking place, quicksand would rear its ugly head.
so in our collective defense, these were our impressions of africa.
but the best defense is a good offense. to defend the honour (whoops) of my fellow americans i now turn the tables on those who wish to ridicule you.
with alarming regularity, when i announce that i'm from california i get asked if i've met any celebrities. usually the drunker, younger and girl-er the person is, the more specific the celebrity. Johnnie Depp, Nicolas Cage, Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg top the list. Paul Reiser, Archimedes and Stephen Jay Gould round out the bottom.
so whenever i'm mocked for americans thinking that south africa is nothing but talking lions battling for the 'pridelands' with hyenas and using mackaws as their consulate, i now counter that the same south africans honestly think that Tom Cruise routinely borrows a cup of sugar from me.
this brings us to the picture at the top of this article: further fuel was added to my fire when my parents visited and, in fact, the nearby lion park had its fence blown over and the lions escaped.
who's living up to their stereotype now?!