Mass Email

sorry about the mass email everybody but i'd like to argue that email has no mass.

argument complete.

nextly, i feel like a bit of a criminal only communicating via these mass emails.  am i breaking the rules of netiquette?  i guess i'm fine breaking the rules as long as i don't go overboard and start breaking the laws of netiquette.  or maybe i am.

i think if one only communicates via mass emails he/she is breaking the law of 'conversation of mass'.  it's really just a simple restating of the law first stated by ePicurus between 325 and 275 BCC.

hello?

i think my page counter is spinning backwards thanks to that one.

Taste - Test

yesterday, on the way to squash with a scottish coworker, the subject of a beautiful female doctor in town came up. quick to come up with an excuse to see a doctor at his age, he decided to "make an appointment to have his colon tested".

the scottish accent made me double-take.

eat your pineapple derek.

Sistine Sound Wall

last year i taught at my company's saturday school in edendale, a 'disadvantaged' area of pietermaritzburg. paul and kate, in addition to seeing what schools look like just a few kilometers from city central, were able to see me stumble my way through almost three hours of lessons in chemistry and drafting (draughting). when my parents came out i somehow managed to time it such that my dad, a retired chemistry teacher, taught the review session the weekend before the nationwide matric exams in the chemistry subject. two stones etc.

but enough of the beautiful stories about americans making the world a better place one lewis dot diagram at a time...

edendale is an area that travel agents put a big pink highlighter 'X' through because travel agents just assume that nobody wants to see goats, chickens and cows wandering between mud shacks and metal crates used to cell airtime. or if they did want to see it they would have just driven to mexico.

a newly built two-bedroom house in edendale (with running water, toilets and electricity) starts at R 220,000. less than many a mid-sized automobile. there are only three problems:

1.) you won't get a lot of your coworkers visiting you.
2.) there's no freeway access
3.) when there isn't enough water or electricity to go around in pmb, edendale is typically the first to be cut off from either or both. we're talking days at a time without being able to flush your toilet.

on the plus side, there just may be a thriving art scene. below please find some of the murals on the wall facing the entrance to edendale's sukuma primary chool.

Sign Language

if someone told me that an average american speaks 0.75 languages i wouldn't argue. i speak only english which i think makes me either;

'unilingual',
'monolingual',
'cylingual' (greek?),
or just plain ol' lingual.

but if i think that i'm so masterful with the english language how come i can't i summon the word that comes two words before bilingual?

sublingual?
millilingual?
unlingual?
keanulingual?

so i guess i should feel bad being cylingual and making fun of all the spelling and grammatical errors i see all around me here in a country with eleven national languages... some of which i can't even pronounce still. but i won't let feelings get in the way. i simply must share some of the gems i stumble across.



in this case, the 'good thing' that you can't get to is the toilet.


















just like the 'loose a turn' in the film 'office space'

















when i went to use the other door, it too became close.

I Have a Tender Opening

i know every professional has it's own dirty-but-accepted terms... well, actually i really only know the ones in structural engineering

  - erection stages
  - stiff member
  - jacking force
  - butt tight

and so on.

well my job responsibilities have brought me face to face with my new favourite expression in my line of work. yesterday i got to tell our receptionist as i walked out the front door that there was "a tender opening across town that needed my urgent attention".

so i guess after that it's all downhill from here...

anybody got any more to cheer me up?

300 Kilograms

Nate, Jon and Pecos of '300 pounds' have returned from their tour in the southlands. from where i'm sitting it still looks north. maybe slightly less north.

the question on everyone's lips here in south africa is: why haven't '300 pounds' brought their licks here to the cradle of humanity? to rock the cradle so to speak... well, one thing stands in the way kids, if you want to be an international rock star you can't limit yourself by naming your band with just metric or just imperial units.

tips for international band names that aren't limited to just certain parts of the world:

minus zero kelvin
the light years
ton(ne)s o fun
smoots' one feat

i guess if you're a hard rock / metal band you can walk the razor's edge with names like 'dragonforce' (ambiguous units) and 'dream theater' (cinema or theatre in most parts of the world). just ask trent reznor next time you see him.

Oh, What On Earth Shall I Delaware?

i'll be the first to admit that i'm a little out of touch with what the celebs are wearing on the red carpet in hollywood these days. but thanks to an easter package that arrived the other day from justin and marissa i think i can safely assume they're all wearing t-shirts with fish on the front.

what a great shirt. i get jealous of the hanger when i'm not wearing it.

in what can only be assumed to be a part of their further baby-proofing their house, they mailed me a box of peeps and gag-flavored jelly beans. and thanks to the contents of their package, those of you that have been wondering if it's possible to mail me food, the answer is now a conclusive: 'that depends'.

so with the peeps out of the house, there is now room at the swett house for their second child... sigh... and it seems like just yesterday we were dragging marissa to go see 'children of men' and asking 'who could conceive such an idea?'

justin, you said you like the short blog entries. i can't imagine writing a shorter one than this one. oh wait, i have an idea...